operation harelip BJ is a go
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
