He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
