I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
