operation harelip BJ is a go
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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