I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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