dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Randomize
