I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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