Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
