I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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