If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
