If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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