Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
