be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Randomize
