guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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