Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You can't motorboat a personality
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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