she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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