Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize