will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
