dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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