I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
