Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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