I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I came so hard my ears popped.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
