At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
