I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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