i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Bring me that man meat
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
