Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
