So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
we should paint friendship bongs
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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