i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
