These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
