well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
