It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
whose ass print is on the piano?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
