So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
