Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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