i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
