I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
