Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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