watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Randomize
