i just sent this text using only my big toe
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
