If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I love having hate sex.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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