Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Come see our sink grown plant.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm sobbing to NWA
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
