i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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