My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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