She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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