Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
