There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
