One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just want to make out with him forever
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
