my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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