just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
