i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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