is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
