So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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