I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
