I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
