She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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