I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
