pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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