Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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