But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
