So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
